I am a very sentimental person. Frequently, I reflect on my life experiences, and in doing so, remember the good times and the bad, the fun times and the sad times – and both the memories I want to remember – and the ones I wish to forget. But in doing so, I occasionally think about the past loves I have had and lost – and flood my mind with memories, thoughts and feelings about the ladies I have opened my heart to – and now only know through pictures, letters – and memories.

Whether I have spent four years with someone – or three months – I tried my best to make the most out of the time we spent together – but I have this inner fear that for some reason – it is not going to work out. Don’t get me wrong, I want nothing more than to find the perfect partner and settle down – but I fear that what I wish for is the one thing I will never get. So based on both my fear and my relationship track record – I basically go into a relationship expecting it to fail.

When I date a woman, I want nothing more than to make her happy. I am always romantic, attentive, affectionate, complimentary and gentlemanly to the lady I am dating – because as a lady – she deserves that. I believe that more than anything else in a relationship, communication is the most important thing. I go overboard to earn a lady’s trust by opening my whole life to her – and I even make sure she knows, through cards, e-mails, phone calls and flowers, just how much I care for her – and yet – I am single once again.

I am not blaming anyone, I am just sad that every time I think I have found a girlfriend, it is over before I can say “relationship.” I am so sick and tired of having a woman look at me with the most amazing look of pure happiness and love on her face – only to have it disappear months later. It hurts so bad to have someone love you so much entwine themselves in your everyday life – and then completely remove themselves from your daily existence after being such a huge part of it – and instantly become a part of your past.

If you had the knowledge to know the last day you would spend with a lover before you lost them, would you pay more attention to it and remember it with more detail and passion? Would you want that day to be more special? Would you perhaps take pictures that day, or maybe even take a video?

Or would you be happier forgetting it?

Having been afflicted with melancholy this last week, I decided to visit the library of my life and started in the “ex-girlfriends” section. I am not proud of my past love life. Personally, I feel that I dated many women from all walks of life who at first, thought I was the greatest thing since peanut butter – and are now part of my past. Some relationships were ended by me, and some were ended by those I loved. Either way, it hurts just as bad. The pain of a breakup is not fun – and neither is thinking about those you loved and lost after you lost them.

I do not know whether it is the fact that I am now 33, or the fact that Valentine’s Day is in 15 days and I am single. Whatever the reason for this strong case of melancholy, it too shall pass…

…but going through it really hurts.